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Jennifer Perseverante, maquilleuse professionnelle
(+33) 06.60.64.86.26
jennifer.perseverante@gmail.com

        

Article published online on April 28, 2020

Laura is one of my clients who needed to take the leap and move forward in her gender transition. Her big heart and courage amazed me!

Already well-equipped when she came, it was a pleasure to guide her in her outfit choices. I can’t wait for the next sessions.

Here is her portrait.

Laura, a gender transition in progress

Laura, can you introduce yourself?

My name is Laura. After searching for a long time for a feminine name that suited me, I finally found this one that resonates well within me and seems to represent me best. I will be 49 years old in 2020 and have lived in the Yvelines for almost 20 years. I am divorced. I have children, all boys. I would have liked to have a daughter, but Destiny had other plans. My separation was partly due to the fact that my wife discovered my gender exploration that I wanted to keep to myself. However, she also had a secret much bigger than mine. She hid many things from me during our 15 years of marriage.

Sometimes people ask me about my gender and sexual orientation. Today, I consider myself a non-binary transgender person. I believe I oscillate on the masculine/feminine spectrum at times but with a much stronger leaning toward my feminine side. What a definition! But for me, that is true freedom, to be able to define yourself as you wish. My sexual orientation is bisexual, or so I think. I am mainly attracted to femininity and the female body, but there is also this feminine part in me that resonates and seems attracted to the masculine. One day I literally melted in front of a man, captivated by what he emitted. I have not acted on it yet but I am thinking about it now. For that, I will need to find the right person… Professionally, I have been self-employed for 5 years. I work in IT consulting.

How long have you wanted to feel more feminine?

Deep down, since my earliest childhood, I never felt in sync with the gender I was assigned at birth. In fact, when I was 7-8 years old, in the 1970s, I had medium-length hair and was quite chubby, and nature having gifted me with a slight natural bust since then, I was often called Miss.

At 13-14 years old, I put on my mother’s clothes under my masculine clothes and felt a sense of coherence, freedom, and “empowerment,” as Michelle Obama writes. For a long time, I repressed this feminine part of me to conform to what was expected of me. In my early forties, I amplified my masculine side by doing activities with strong masculine connotations (DIY, mechanics, weight training, etc.). Nevertheless, my feminine side caught up with me, and I then accepted my difference, allowing it to emerge occasionally.

My gender exploration started very late. Around 40 years old, I discovered on YouTube videos of transgender women explaining their transition. It resonated for me as an obvious truth. I had started a first transition which I ended in 2016. I got rid of all my things: clothes, shoes, makeup, various accessories. I regret it, but it’s okay, it’s just material! Since then, I have re-equipped myself. I ended my transition because I tried to save my couple, my family life, at the expense of who I really am inside. Nowadays, I own my transition resumed in 2019, but I keep it discreet, secret. My children are still young, and given the divorce, I have preferred, for now, to remain silent on this subject, but I know that one day, they will understand when I explain it to them. I trust them and their kindness. I sometimes talk with them about gender, sexual orientation, conformity, about being who we want to be. I wish them fulfillment, no matter what form it will take for them. And when the day comes, I hope the seeds I planted will bear fruit.

Why this desire, and what does it give you?

My desire for femininity has always been there. I have always enjoyed shopping with my partners, buying clothes that highlight their beauty. Often, I thought about the idea that one day, I would like to wear such clothes.

Then, one day, I allowed myself to live my feminine side by going shopping. What a freedom and what a feeling of joy! I was euphoric. I remember the first time I saw myself dressed and made up. When I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I said to myself: “Here I am, the real me!” This desire for femininity, to feminize myself, to wear feminine clothes, accessories such as wigs, false lashes, fake feminine attributes, gives me a feeling of coherence between what I feel deep inside and the image that my reflection sends back. I also feel a paradoxical feeling of vulnerability and fragility, mixed with better self-confidence, higher self-esteem, and even a feeling of power. I also experience a certain calm, fullness, and joy.

When did you decide to take action?

In my early forties, one evening when my wife was out and my children were asleep, I decided to wear my wife’s clothes and put on makeup. It was revealing. I remember it was 5 a.m., and I wanted time to stop so I could continue enjoying this feeling of well-being and alignment that I felt.
Do you have fears regarding society and your family?

Yes, I have many fears about how people perceive me but also about my sons, in addition to their view of me. Given the divorce, I do not want to add to their burden for now. But a day will come when I will come out to them.

My parents know about my choices because when I started my transition, I informed them. They were very understanding and supportive. My mother regularly sends me articles about transgender people found on the Internet. My father supports me but remains rather on the sidelines. I am lucky to have parents who love me and only desire my happiness and fulfillment.

What are the next steps in your feminization?

As mentioned earlier, I started my transition to feminize my body. I take hormones. I am considering surgeries but nothing concrete yet because I want to proceed gradually. First permanent hair removal on the face, then on the body. Then, I am considering minor surgery to feminize my face: probably my eyelids.

Sometimes, I think about breast augmentation and vaginoplasty, which will eventually be two goals I will likely accomplish, but for now, there is no rush. I do not feel severe dysphoria that makes me reject my body or my sex. I plan to progress step by step.

One of my biggest wishes is to connect with other people who are on a journey similar to mine, but above all, to build an intimate relationship with a cisgender woman, whether platonic or romantic. I would like to have a female friend with whom I could be myself, talk about everything, go shopping with her… In short, share this part of me that few people have had the chance to meet.

Why did you call on me?

It was after discovering the Transbeauté website and its Facebook page that I decided to contact Jennifer. I remember that when I discovered the services Jennifer offered and her warmth, I felt immense joy and excitement. I had wanted to do a feminization session for a long time, to get advice about makeup and outfits. But above all, I think I wanted to share a moment of friendliness and even complicity with a woman and also see my reflection in the most feminine way possible. That’s what my first session with Jennifer gave me.

I arrived with my things – way too many! – and Jennifer was able to select the outfits that suited me best. She did my makeup beautifully, and thanks to her, I found a hairstyle that revealed and enhanced me.

Delighted and thrilled by Jennifer’s advice, I left her place wearing feminine clothes. I spent 3 hours that flew by.

A second appointment is already scheduled for a makeup session to learn the right techniques and understand the proper methods to apply.

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