The Awakening to Transition: a Reflection, Three Revelations

Claude: Three factors led me to this decision.

One summer day in 2020, I received a huge shock when I caught my reflection as a crossdresser in the mirror of my dressing room. I had been used to it for several months.

But that day, a thought hit me with extreme force.
This is how I want to be, but not with artifices, really physically, with hair, breasts, hips, a marked waist.

Several months later this would be the starting point of my HRT (hormone replacement therapy).

I must specify that I never felt the need to answer the question of whether I was a crossdresser or a transgender person.
That day, I got the answer in the face.
I understood where I was going.

The planning of the transition followed a little later.

A friend’s remark about the necessary coherence of my body in my old age, if I ever had to be in an institution, to avoid mockery or ill-treatment because of my trans identity.
I thought it was relevant to think about it.

And finally, an event at a party made me realize that my body as it was—even if the following event confirmed my femininity—did not allow me to live a normal love life.

Having to explain where I come from seemed hardly manageable.
At the same time, the feeling of dysphoria was increasing, even if not violent, except for one time.

Photography: " by Charly "

Maintaining Social Bonds Without Denying the Past

Very quickly, I chose to keep my social relationships intact, as much as possible.

Of course, I found a new family with the transgender community, but I make sure not to cause exclusion. I keep alive my previous relationships.

I only lost one person along the way.

I noticed that men have a harder time with our transitions.

We betray our side, in a way.
They also think about their masculinity, which they understand does not have the same value for us.
It is, in a way, demonetized.

Finding One’s Voice Without Imposing It

I have no difficulty with that.
However, I recommend not to let conversations revolve solely around this.

I must not annoy everyone with my transition, my status as a transgender woman.

Relationships must be normal, ordinary I’d say.
I also do not like it when people polarize too much on this topic beyond a certain limit.

Still, in the beginning, it is necessary to educate people because the general public knows nothing about this topic, and as long as the curiosity is healthy, it does not bother me.

For example, I’ve sometimes explained that I am female on my ID card and especially how that is possible.
I often heard the remark “Oh really, that’s possible?”
If one struggles with this, it is necessary to consult.

Hormone Therapy: Heightened Sensitivity, Strengthened Humanity

I am naturally rather even-tempered.
I sometimes easily hid annoyances.

Predicting the effects of hormone therapy seems quite uncertain.

Some products favor depressive states, even if temporarily.
Monitoring and communication with health professionals is therefore essential.
What I am about to say here is very strictly personal and cannot be generalized.
Emotionally, I have become much more sensitive.

A film, a book, music, current events can make me cry.
It does not warn you; suddenly the tears are there, or almost.

This sensitivity is not painful to me; I feel it makes me more human.
I experience it positively.
However, I am not prone to mood swings or depressive periods.
My temperament remains quite steady.

Monitoring estradiol levels (blood test every 3 or 6 months) is quite important.
A sudden drop can affect your mood.

I am also much kinder in everyday life, much more smiling.
And that is a considerable strength.

If you only knew what one obtains through kindness, friendliness... it is something I discovered.

However, I remain firm on principles and do not allow myself to be bothered in any way.

My professional life sometimes requires saying unpleasant things, which do not please the recipient.
The man I was in this area was sometimes a bit harsh.

In fact, that only created tensions harmful to solving the encountered problems.
Today my attitude is much more flexible.

My formulations are much more diplomatic.
Still, I do not compromise more on the substance, but the way I say things allows me to obtain much more and without friction.

What struck me most is the appearance of this much greater sensitivity.

The decrease in physical abilities is a reality.

Resources and Support: a Chain of Kindness

On the medical level, health professionals are very important.

It is essential to find people with whom medical trust can be built and, on the other hand, a true human relationship.
You must feel understood, accepted.

My entire personal environment, both past and transgender community, has been precious to me.

Regarding medical aspects, I have been cared for by an outstanding team every time. From the surgeon to the nurse assistant.

The surgeon: “Ask the anesthetist whatever you want (she means the moment when you’re on the table): if it takes half an hour, it will take half an hour.”

A nurse: “Here, we don’t want ladies to leave with bad memories.”

The nurse assistant in the morning: “Hello Miss, how are you?”

People who take care of us with simple words, appropriate behavior.

A Word of Advice for Those Who Are Still Hesitating…

Be clear with yourself.

Resolve your psychological difficulties.

Structure your approach.

Lean on a medical team you fully trust.

Take care of your physical health.

Beyond that, it is an extremely personal decision.

In my opinion, one cannot really give advice on decision-making.

Throughout this process, the driving force was necessity.

After each step, there is no turning back.