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Jennifer Perseverante, maquilleuse professionnelle
(+33) 06.60.64.86.26
jennifer.perseverante@gmail.com

        

Article published online on February 26, 2021

I invite you to discover the testimonial of Marie-Laure, which I found very moving. I wish her all the happiness she deserves, and I do not doubt for a single moment that love will soon enter her life.
Happy reading.

Marie-Laure Transgenre

Marie-Laure, can you introduce yourself?

My name is Marie-Laure, I am a 38-year-old travesti currently living in the Centre region.
I have been living alone for 10 years after several years of shared housing.

Professionally, I have experienced many jobs in sectors such as fast food and large-scale retail.
I eventually went back to school and am currently a Science teacher in a school.
Like my job, my place of residence reflects a certain instability.
I have moved almost every year since I was 20.
I have been through several big cities before settling where I currently live, following professional opportunities.

Passionate about nature, sciences, and history.
Reading and cooking are two of my favorite hobbies.
On a relational level, I identify as bisexual even though I am much more attracted to men.
My love and sexual life is almost non-existent.
I have never been in a couple and keep rather mixed memories of the few encounters I made online.

My current life is somehow torn in two.
I have learned to “act like a man” which I display professionally and in my relationships with those close to me.
And I am Marie-Laure as soon as I regain the safety of my solitude.
This situation is becoming increasingly unbearable for me nonetheless.

How long have you wanted to feel like a woman?

I started around the age of 7. I envied my sisters’ dresses, their hairstyles.
Little by little, I would sneak more and more feminine clothes from their closets and drawers that I wore with delight as soon as I could.
From that time, all I remember are those little bursts of fresh air in an atmosphere that my guilt made unbearable.
I was caught once or twice without my parents ever daring to address the subject directly with me.
Sometimes I find myself regretting that.

For 20 years, I fought with all my might against these “tendencies” that, thanks to a very religious upbringing, I considered abominable.
To live what I felt inside without being able to formalize it, I bought feminine clothes whenever I could, but I struggled deeply with the way others looked at me.
I felt an irrepressible need to be feminine.
But in stores, I suffered from being seen and judged.
I felt like someone perverse in others' eyes and developed a great fear of being looked at.
Sometimes my guilt was stronger; I clung to false hopes of someday being able to “cure” myself, that a “normal” life was possible.
My feminine clothes would then go to the trash.
And a few days later, the same cycle would begin again.
This discomfort, this feeling of being trapped, stuck at a dead end, only grew and generated great emotional instability that inevitably affected my professional and personal life.

Around 27, after a major crisis and a period of depression, I finally understood that I was not responsible for this vital need to be a woman.
I realized that guilt would eventually lead me to suicide.
But I wanted to live.
It was then that I truly became aware of my feminine nature.
I experienced this decisive step as a true liberation.

After this event, I lived things more peacefully on a personal level.
I became Marie-Laure, learning to discover myself and ultimately letting everything I had repressed for so long live and flourish.

Is this desire occasional or permanent?

This need to be Marie-Laure is permanent.
To use a comparison, I feel like I live every day underwater, and can finally breathe when I get home and take off the mask to be who I want to be.
What is difficult today is the loneliness; I would like to live like a normal woman, have a social life and a romantic relationship.

Why this desire, what does it give you?

It’s a question I have often asked myself without finding satisfying answers.
I saw a psychologist for three years in search of answers, but got nowhere.
I just feel myself and ultimately “normal” when I am Marie-Laure.
If for a long time it was hard for me to know who I really was, today I have no doubt even if the path ahead is much more difficult.

When did you decide to cross-dress for the first time? For what occasion? What did you feel?

I don’t think I chose anything.
I was too young to understand what was happening to me.
Indeed, the first time was at age 7.
I experienced a series of dreams and intimate experiences following readings that made a strong impression on me.
Then one day, while about to take a shower, I put on one of my mother’s swimsuits.
In that moment I felt a kind of fulfillment, as if I had found myself, as if instead of putting on a garment, I had taken off an old skin that bothered me without me realizing it.
Afterwards, shame and guilt overwhelmed and traumatized me because questioning one’s birth sex was unacceptable in my living environment.

Do you have fears regarding society, your family, apprehensions, or any discomfort?

No one in my family knows, and only one of my friends is aware of what lives inside me without ever having seen me as Marie-Laure.
I have come to accept this state of affairs.
I don’t want to shock or upset the assumptions of the people I love.
I prefer to stay aside and keep my distance.
Maybe one day I will find the strength to leave and rebuild my life as Marie-Laure.

What are the next steps in your feminization?

I’m moving at my own pace.
In the coming months, I want to openly embrace who I am in public and live as much as possible as Marie-Laure.
Only my work will be an obstacle, and that is what I will address last.
After that, I do not despair of making THE encounter and being able to taste the joy of loving and being loved as I truly am.

Why did you turn to Jennifer, and what did she bring you during this stage of your life?

Although over the years I have gone through many steps on my own, I wanted to give myself a moment dedicated to my beauty like any woman.
I have been going to the beautician for a long time, but I don’t yet feel strong enough to go as Marie-Laure.
At Jennifer’s, I knew I could find a professional who would not judge me.
It was also an opportunity for me to travel as Marie-Laure and confront the outside world.
Years ago, I discovered how much a simple benevolent look directed at me could help me move forward.
It is that look that I came to seek and that I found with Jennifer.

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