Emmanuelle trans identity: it may be time to embrace yourself now

Today, I am especially moved to share with you Emma’s testimony.
Why? Because Emma was one of my very first clients.

It was in 2019, at the very beginning of the Transbeauté journey.
Since then, she has come a long way, and I am proud to have accompanied her, even if only for a moment, in her quest for femininity. (yes yes, her 2019 photo is in the album!)

Her testimony closes a series of deeply human and inspiring stories, after those of Claude, Julie, and another Emma.

Four stories, four paths, four voices reminding us that trans identity is plural, but that the search for authenticity is universal.

Your journey in a few words

Can you tell us what led you to start your transition? Was there a moment when you said to yourself: "Ok, now is the time, I’m going for it!"?

Hello, my name is Emmanuelle, I am 52 years old, I have been married for over 26 years, and I have 4 children.

I am also a former software development engineer, retrained as a quality manager in the group.

For as long as I can remember, I have always loved cross-dressing.
I felt good dressed as a woman, I felt a sense of peace, and despite all my attempts to stop and fit in, it followed me throughout my life.

Then, in 2018, I accompanied some friends to the Sparkles festival in Manchester.
For the first time in my life, I lived 4 days non-stop as a woman.
This experience deeply moved me.
Coming back to France, I realized that I had marked a turning point in my life.
I even went as far as seeing a psychologist to regain the pseudo-balance that had governed my life before.
Her last sentence echoed in my head like a verdict, the beginning of the end: “Maybe it’s time for you to embrace yourself now.”
It took me 2 months to mull over this sentence and accept it.

I came to the conclusion that I needed to find a solution and that I wouldn’t hold on much longer.

My big question was to determine what was best for my children: having a dad whose appearance was somewhat changed, or no dad at all...

3 months later, I had my first appointment with a psychiatrist to possibly take things further.

Crédits Photo : Studio PERILLOU

The perspective of your loved ones

How did your family and friends react when they discovered your decision to transition? Were you supported?

After 20 years of marriage, announcing a gender transition to one’s wife is like a tsunami.
She experienced it very badly, and it took her several years to find me again and regain a certain serenity.

My children took it well.
They were respectively 20, 16, 12, and 8 years old at the time of the decision.
The two eldest were prepared for it.
They knew me and were not overly shocked.
For the two youngest, it was more delicate.
With Anne, we feared they would panic and suffer at school. We had to talk to them using words they could understand to reassure them.

Much later, they explained to us that their main fear was ultimately not my transition, but that we would separate.

Except for Anne’s reaction which was very hard — she saw her whole life, her future, crumble — the rest of the family, our friends, colleagues received the news very well.

My parents, my in-laws adapted very well; our children’s friends, instead of rejecting them, supported and reassured them by saying I would always remain their father no matter what, and that everything would be fine.

I was more than impressed by the maturity of these 8- and 12-year-old children.
The teachers were also very present to help the youngest manage and make sure things went as smoothly as possible.

Crédits Photo : Studio PERILLOU

Evolution of your social relationships

At the start of your transition, during, and now (if it’s over), how have your friendships and social relationships evolved? Were there any surprises, good or bad? Has a “natural” sorting happened around you?

I have changed enormously socially with my transition.
I was a boy closed in on himself, obsessed by my malaise.
I have become a smiling woman, more approachable and attentive to others.
My circle of friends has become mostly female.

During my transition, I lost only one person, one of my brothers, but the family context is such that, even if my transition was an excuse, the family dynamic had been explosive long before.
Others have certainly distanced themselves because of my trans identity, but they had the decency to do so silently, so a natural sorting occurred without conflict.

Overall, with my transition, I opened up socially, and my relationships became richer, deeper with incredible friendships created.
I got to know wonderful people, in and outside the LGBTQ community, and my life became infinitely more fulfilling.

Crédits Photo : Studio PERILLOU

Your experience in the professional environment

How did your work environment welcome your transition?

At work, the announcement was very well received.
My boss at the time even spoke up saying management supported my approach and that no inappropriate word or gesture would be tolerated.
A year later, he even told me that he had noticed the benefits of my transition, that my well-being was visible in my attitude at work and my efficiency.

Since then, I have taken on responsibilities, climbed the ladder, and I really don’t feel that my transition has harmed my career.
And, regarding my colleagues, since my transition I have been re-elected staff representative twice unanimously.
So my changes have clearly not been a problem for my professional environment.

My transition was an opportunity to discover the differences in treatment between men and women in the company.
And I have been entrusted with many more tasks in parallel than before.
My mental workload at work has increased significantly.

Self-affirmation and communication

Have you encountered difficulties talking about your transition to others? Are there tips you can share that helped you?

I have always spoken about my transition with sincerity and openness.
I even opened and still run an Instagram page where I share my trans identity life.

I talk about my moments of joy, pain, happiness, difficulties—in short, everything that can affect the life of a transgender person.

At the start of my transition, I had a very dark, very negative image of transition.

I equated it to a descent into hell where you lose everything and learn to rebuild in pain. I wanted to communicate to show that this is not necessarily the case, that a transition is, above all, a blossoming of oneself.

In 2024, my family even joined in and participated in a show on M6 with me. We now talk very easily and openly about our situation.

Crédits Photo : Studio PERILLOU

Moments of loneliness and resilience

Were there periods when you felt alone or misunderstood? If yes, what helped you stay on track and regain strength?

The beginning of my transition was very complicated.

Anne’s misunderstanding and violent reactions were difficult to endure.

Faced with her attacks, I often lost the strength and courage to fight and try to justify myself, explain my choices or reactions.

I had a hard time understanding myself at the beginning, knowing where I was going, or how to get there. The first two years were filled with many moments of moral wandering, doubts, and fear.

All this meant I had difficulty expressing myself to Anne, explaining how I felt and answering her questions.
And when I thought I was succeeding, I realized she hadn’t understood or wasn’t yet able to understand, so I had to start over again and again.

Communication between us was crucial, and I think what saved us both was that we were able to listen to each other despite everything.

Love meant we clung to our stormy conversations to clear the path as best we could.

Hormone therapy and its effects

If you underwent hormone therapy, how did you experience it? What physical and emotional effects impacted you most?

It takes time for hormones to take effect.
At least physically.
Psychologically, it was almost instantaneous.

I remember taking my first estrogen doses on a Tuesday and three days later, on Friday, while getting the kids ready in the morning, I realized that the knot in my stomach I had carried since I was very young had disappeared.
I felt an incredible lightness, freed from an immense weight, all of a sudden!

Side effects started a month later with my breasts beginning to hurt.
I hadn’t yet started discussing it with anyone, and I began to fear that my breast development would show.
I was so scared that I had quite terrible panic attacks.

I wouldn’t be able to say if it was the hormone therapy or the liberation I felt that made me so much more sensitive.

I who believed I was invincible, a protective wall around my heart, became hypersensitive, crying like a baby at the slightest occasion!

Physical transformations and well-being

Which physical transformations (hormonal, surgical, or aesthetic) have been important to you? How have these changes influenced your well-being and your relationship with yourself?

For many trans women, the most important is vaginoplasty.
They go toward this surgery from the start.
For others, it’s breast augmentation.
For me, my priority was to stabilize my treatment and reach balance as quickly as possible.

I tried several hormonal treatments with my endocrinologist, and it ended with a life-saving orchiectomy.

Well after came breast augmentation and Adam’s apple reduction, sensitive points and sources of complexes for me.

I considered facial surgery for a long time, but in the end, I am content with what I have.
I feel good in my skin and don’t feel the need to go further.

A very, very important step for me was speech therapy.
It was long and difficult, but it saved me from vocal cord surgery and allows me to continue singing in a choir or solo.
I couldn’t imagine the rest of my life without singing.

Crédits Photo : Studio PERILLOU

la joie de vivre de Emma, femme transgenre

Support and valuable resources

Are there books, groups, associations, or professionals that have been of great help to you? If yes, which ones?

After two months of hormone treatment, I felt the need to talk to someone, to find confidants.

I found refuge with two colleagues at work, and they were an incredible support throughout all my difficult times.
I would never have made it without them. I owe them so much.

I also found huge support and help from my speech therapist, Mariela, whom I warmly embrace.

For 3 years, I have also been followed by an amazing endocrinologist in Paris.
She has a very open and proactive view on trans identity.
My previous endocrinologist made me cry several times leaving his office, whereas with her I feel confident and reassured.

So, the advice I generally give is to build a good support system, find a trustworthy person you can confide in and who will listen to you.

And to trust medical professionals.
We want everything immediately, but it’s not reasonable.

Your outlook on the future

How do you imagine the continuation of your journey after your transition? What are your aspirations for your well-being, relationships, projects?

I do not imagine the end of my transition.

I am and will forever be a transgender woman.
And throughout my life, it will stick to my skin.
I’ve learned to accept it, and it doesn’t bother anyone.
I have understood that the people around me are more disturbed by the fact that we are uncomfortable than anything else.
So if we feel good, the world follows suit.

For now, my plan is simply to enjoy life.
I have some projects underway, but I don’t live for that.
I enjoy my family, work a lot, and seize life with both hands.

If projects are offered to me, to help, I willingly accept to assist and communicate about the fact that trans identity isn’t only what you see on the Internet.

It’s also people in the shadows, like me, who have a perfectly normal, ordinary, yet happy and liberated life.

A message for those who are still hesitating

If you could say something to someone questioning their transition, what would it be? (Advice, an inspiring phrase, a punchline—we take it all!)

“Listen, but not too much!!

If I have one piece of advice, it’s to listen.
Listen to oneself, but also listen to others.

We live in society and need others.
They have a view on us that will inevitably influence us.
They will want to hold us back, refuse change, and that can be a good thing.
When we listen too much to ourselves, we want to rush, and this brake allows us to take the time to accept ourselves.
We want everything immediately, but the body and mind sometimes struggle to keep up.

So, listen to yourself, but not too much.
Listen to others, but learn to take a step back to refocus on yourself and your needs.

And the little mantra I repeat every day: “Carpe diem.” It’s silly, simple, but it helps free oneself from many things and to accept life.

Final word from Jennifer

Thank you, Emma, for this testimony vibrant with sincerity and humanity.

You remind us that every journey is unique, but the quest for truth is universal. Your voice resonates as an invitation to listen to ourselves, to slow down... and to love ourselves.

And thank you also to Claude, Julie, and the first Emma.
Your testimonies are much more than simple stories: they are compasses.
You have put words on emotions, steps, questions that many live in silence.
And for that, I am infinitely grateful to you.

I am proud to know you, proud to have crossed your paths and to have been able, even a little, to accompany you in your transformation process. You are living proof that femininity is not a norm, but a path.
Yours.

To you who are reading these lines... If you recognize yourself in their journeys, if you feel deep inside you that same desire to dare, understand, or reveal yourself, know that you are welcome. Transbeauté is here to listen to you, welcome you, and maybe help you take your very first steps toward yourself.

I’m waiting for you.

Jennifer

Emma at the very beginning of Transbeauté in 2019