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Léna was hesitant to come meet me, but obviously I was able to reassure her and it was a great pleasure for me to help her in her feminization journey.
I leave you to discover her story.
Thank you Jennifer for giving me the opportunity to express myself. For confidentiality reasons, I am presenting myself under my female name Léna; otherwise, I am 61 years old and have been married for 41 years, with whom I had four children.
I live in the Ardennes and work in the industrial sector.
My desires for feminization go back to childhood at the age of 10 when I spent my holidays at a cousin’s house who was older than me. It was there I discovered feminine effects for the first time such as lingerie and the irresistible urge to be in the skin of the opposite sex.
Since then, this desire has never left me; but I had to live with this burden buried deep inside me (imagine, 50 years ago admitting something like this, it’s already difficult today).
Actually, it is not a permanent desire, but an occasional one; I live very well with my masculine side, but I need this feminine side that soothes me.
During my adolescence, I would dress with my mother’s clothes to study when I was alone at home. These moments were moments of fullness and relaxation; in fact, I studied with pleasure, but always with the anxiety of being discovered.
Then I got married and thought, I will clear it all out, I am happy, I am married and the first child arrives, but no, inexorably, there is always this little inner voice that reminds you of what you are, and after eight years of abstinence, I feminize myself again and the same sensations of serenity come back, along with stronger anxieties about being caught than before because I am well established and the fear of misunderstanding from those around me is stronger…
and so be it, I will live in secrecy, so for 30 years I lived my femininity in secret and in a sporadic and incomplete way.
Jennifer, I think there is no explanation for this desire; I think I was born with it like being born with brown or blue eyes, I personally have no explanation, my brothers and I were raised the same way.
Today, I am close to the end of my life and I think I need to live these two facets of my personality, as sincerely and realistically as possible to feel in full harmony with myself.
I took a first step with you, I don’t know if it’s the hardest, but there will be other steps to take that will bring me great happiness, it’s up to me to let go.
Actually, the first complete feminization took place last week; I had never worn makeup, never wore a wig.
It was the first time I saw who I could be and what joy when I saw myself in the mirror! I was amazed… a woman was being born; of course, my behaviors, gestures, and outfit are far from those of a woman, but I think with a lot of personal investment and physical effort, this will soften and make me more feminine during these periods.
Yes, three times yes, even though mindsets have changed over 50 years, it is impossible for me to do otherwise than hypocrisy of people today, rejection, the mixing of all sexes and states of being, are a brake for me. The rural environment where I live is certainly not ready; few people today can imagine that there is a human being behind this state of being.
The next steps of my feminization will take place at Jennifer’s, that’s where I found this haven of peace, understanding, non-judgment, and progress.
My feminization will never be complete and permanent, since I have decided to live my two lives without revealing my situation to anyone (maybe to my wife, but I don’t know how for now).
So getting my own clothes, putting on nail polish to perfect myself, buying some jewelry, going out accompanied seem to be the next steps and why not do my shopping directly with merchants.
Actually, my choice was very simple. When I entered your site, I saw that there was a section to help trans people, and there I thought that you put all people on the same level and that you did not make any difference. So afterwards I of course contacted you by SMS and you found the right words and the patience to help me decide to take the first step.
During our first meeting, I couldn’t express myself, but again your gentleness, patience, naturalness, and empathy freed me from this stress, and after trying some outfits you knew exactly what I needed. We were even a hair’s breadth from going outside... So yes I will come back because you showed me I was not ridiculous while gently pointing out where I needed to make an effort with unmatched diplomacy and kindness.
Léna.
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