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What I often observe in the studio is this inseparable duo: technique and desire.
One never goes without the other.
Technique is learned, it’s repeated, it strengthens session after session.
But desire… desire cannot be taught.
It’s what creates the spark.
That spark that pushes you to cross the studio’s door, to take notes, to start over at home, to try again... and again.
When Rose came for the first time, she didn’t know how to do it yet.
But she had the desire. A discreet, shy desire, but very real.
Two years later, it’s her gestures that have gained assurance…
and her desire that has taken up all the space. And the result is magnificent.
I remember Rose’s first visit to the studio.
That session awakened in her a real desire to learn and move forward.
Her testimony shows how, after this first step, she let repetition establish technique and desire take over.
I invite you to discover her journey. It perfectly illustrates how a first session can sometimes deepen a trajectory. »
Rose: “Before coming to see you the first time, I didn’t know how to do makeup at all. Before, watching videos on the internet, it seemed inaccessible to me.
I was lost in all the steps and products. During the first session, you gave me the keys so I could do my makeup alone at home.
Now every time I do my makeup, I go back to the notes from our first session and follow the steps one by one.
Makeup gives me self-confidence. When I’m made up, I feel feminine.
When I look at myself in the mirror, I no longer see myself as a man but as a woman. This confidence in myself as a woman gives me the courage to go outside.
Now, when I go out made up, I embrace being a woman and being feminine. I think it really helps with my passing.
When I’m made up, I forget that I’m a man. And I feel completely like a woman. It’s kind of a magical moment where I forget everything else. A true disconnection.
During this second session, I forgot all my masculinity and fully expressed my femininity. I think you noticed it too.
Being single and living alone, I am quite free to do what I want. That freedom is the good side of being single.
Regarding my family and friends, my cross-dressing is still a secret.
No one in my family, friends, or at work knows.
I don’t feel the need for them to know.
Whether I’m with my family, friends, or at work, I’m focused on the present moment and what I am doing. In those moments, I don’t question whether I’m masculine or feminine.
Let’s imagine that one day it’s no longer a secret, since almost all my friends are men and I work in a rather masculine environment, I would prefer to present myself to them as a man.
I would feel more comfortable.
But when I’m alone, I nurture my femininity.
I try to establish a beauty routine to take care of my body and face. To wash, I now only use scented shower gels. I only sleep in feminine pajamas.
It’s a balance I try to find.
On the other hand, what bothers me is that I’m really afraid my loved ones will discover my femininity. That stresses me a lot. For example, when I invite friends over, I’m always afraid they will come across my feminine belongings (that I’ve forgotten to put away or that they open a closet).
So I can’t really be relaxed when I have guests.
It’s been 2 years since the first time I came to see you.
And as you noticed, I’ve evolved quite a bit in my femininity.
A few months after coming to see you the first time, my desire for femininity became very strong.
I was very disturbed and asked myself if it wasn’t unhealthy.
And if I shouldn’t focus on my life as a man by trying to forget my desire for femininity.
So I decided to start therapy with a psychologist to try to see things more clearly (which I still continue).
I went through a lot of questioning.
At one point, I even wondered if I was transgender and if I wanted to start transitioning.
Once, I participated in a support group on trans identity.
And I must admit that once there, I didn’t feel concerned at all.
And I said to myself, actually I’m doing this for fun.
It helped me move forward.
Today, I no longer consider my cross-dressing as something unhealthy.
I have accepted that I have a feminine part in me.
Without being transgender or wanting to transition.
And that just because I am a man doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to be feminine like women do.
And that I am not doing anything wrong.
So I decided to try to explore my femininity and listen to my desires.
I regularly go to the beautician for waxing, pedicures with nail polish, and facials.
I let my hair grow so I can style it in a feminine way without a wig when I cross-dress.
I now go out dressed as a woman and made up to go to my therapist, the beautician, the hairdresser, or buy clothes.
I now buy my clothes in-store to try them on.
Recently, I even bought lingerie in a lingerie store.
This year, I plan to start heels dance to express and embrace my femininity even more.
I’m not sure I’m good advice because I myself always have doubts and I’m not sure about what I’m doing. I always ask myself if all this search for femininity that I’m doing isn’t a bit ridiculous.
I don’t know. In any case, I want it. If I try to curb this desire, I stay frustrated.
I prefer to try to explore rather than stay frustrated only fantasizing. It’s better for my morale, I think.
For exploration, I go slowly and proceed step by step. If I want to do something and I don’t feel ready right away, I try to find intermediate steps to gradually reach the goal.
For example, it used to make me dream to be at a beauty salon and get my nails polished. What I did was choose a salon where they do men’s waxing. I started by coming as a man for waxing (but it took a lot of courage to go in the first time). Over the sessions, I dressed increasingly effeminate, but still as a man. Since I had become a regular client, I dared to ask if I could try manicures and pedicures.
Now I go to the beautician completely as a woman and regularly get pedicures with semi-permanent polish.
Another tip for beauty salons: some salons indicate on Google and Treatwell that they are LGBT friendly. In those cases, I go there as a woman directly. I think that here it’s a safe place.
What I love about Rose’s journey is that it shows exactly what I see every week at the studio: it’s not technique that transforms a person. It’s their desire. Technique is worked on. It’s repeated. It is strengthened. But desire… it’s what opens the door.
And if you also feel this desire, even very small, even fragile, but you don’t know how to get started yet, know that I can help you turn this desire into concrete gestures. If you’re afraid of doing it wrong, if you don’t know where to begin, if you want to learn at your own pace and without judgment, come to the studio. We’ll work together. Step by step. Gently.
Because with a little technique and a lot of desire, you can go much further than you imagine.
Finally, remember this again: successful feminization is never a question of talent: it’s a question of momentum. And I am here to support that momentum.
Jennifer
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