When I met Camille, from the very first minute I was amazed by her passing, which seemed flawless to me—how could I make her even more beautiful than she already was?
She is a great example to remind us that we are never fully objective about ourselves…
Her experience and time have allowed her to achieve an exceptional result. I really appreciated her story, and I’m delighted that she’s sharing it with all of you.

How long have you wanted to feel more feminine?

Looking back into the past is never easy because I tend to look forward.
I believe this feminine side has always been part of me and my evolution.
One of my earliest memories related to this femininity dates back to childhood, before I was 10 years old.
At that time, my older sister used to have fun dressing me as a girl with her clothes.
I remember really enjoying it, and I imagine that those moments of closeness with her gave me a desire to relive these experiences and sensations.

I have no memories—whether during my childhood or adolescence—of ever doubting my masculinity.
I felt fulfilled in my life as a boy and my development, but I also felt this feminine side was part of me.
Feeling the need to present as a strong boy, I think I internalized at that time my fragilities and sensitivities into this feminine side that I expressed by putting on my sister’s, my mother’s, and later my girlfriend’s clothes.

Like many travestis, I went through phases of buying clothes that I tried to hide as best as possible, followed by “purge” phases where all those clothes would go to dumpsters with the idea that I wouldn’t need them anymore.
There were phases of several months, even years, when my cross-dressing was almost absent, and other phases when I regularly needed it.
There were often impulses pushing me to cross-dress, with the fear of never having the chance again…
Of course, at that time, it was an absolute secret that no one should know.
I didn’t feel “abnormal,” I just felt I needed it and that it would inevitably be misunderstood by someone outside who couldn’t have experienced the same journey as me.

After reading many articles and specialized sites, I realized—as I imagined—that there were many men in this situation.
Over the years, and especially thanks to my wife, I was able to find peace about this need.
Indeed, it seemed impossible to me to share life with someone without her knowing the most important things in my life, and cross-dressing was one of them.

So I shared my secret with her… after 2 years of relationship.
Feeling unable to talk about it (the secret was too deeply buried), I had taken the time to write her a long letter.
The letter allowed me to be as clear as possible about my story, my motivations, the impact of all this on my life, and especially to avoid being overwhelmed by emotion.
Fortunately, she was understanding.
I didn’t want to impose on her things she didn’t want to see or discuss.
So we moved forward slowly and discreetly.
We then got married and gradually integrated this part of my personality into our couple’s life.
It was important for her to understand that I did not plan a transition and that beneath those clothes and wigs, it was still me.
For example, it was important for her that I keep the same voice as a man and as a woman…
Today, I am lucky to be able to freely transform into Camille whenever I feel like it, and my clothes have their place in the closet.
However, this remains a secret for our son, and I wish it to stay that way.
I believe it will facilitate his development.

Why this desire, what does it bring you?

I’ve read in the past that “there are as many cross-dressers as reasons to cross-dress,” and I’m convinced of the truth of this phrase.
For me, cross-dressing answered occasional needs as well as deeper ones.
Looking for a definition close to what I feel, I would rather define myself as “gender fluid.”
I love the transformation step; it’s a ritual that makes me feel serene and takes me away from the sources of tension related to everyday life.
It’s a pause.
What I’m really looking for in my transformation is to achieve the best possible passing.
That is, to appear as a believable woman.
I am lucky to have measurements that work well both as a boy (even if a bit short), and as a woman.
After having quite standard beginnings in makeup (a bit too heavy or exaggerated) and dressing, I think I have succeeded in achieving something much more natural.
Feminine, without overdoing it.
Finally, cross-dressing gives me a feeling of freedom: I want to do it, I do it, that’s all…
and no matter what people would think if they knew.

Do you have fears regarding society, your family, etc.? Any apprehensions or discomfort?

Speaking of society, I believe the subject of cross-dressing is so complex and so personal that one cannot imagine absolute understanding.
The feminine is so often the object of all kinds of fantasies (sexual and non-sexual) that a man who looks like, or tries to look like, a woman is inevitably questioning, and for some, disturbing.
Of course, the closer people are to us, the more sensitive this subject can be.

I believe it’s important to try to understand what the other might feel in order not to make it something disturbing or “aggressive” for those who might have trouble grasping our universe.

I would definitely like this subject to be better understood and accepted by society.
I’m still pleased to see that transsexualism, cross-dressing, and transgenderism are topics often covered in the press, on television, or on the internet.
By the way, as I write these lines, there is a documentary titled “je suis Sofia” airing on TV.
I believe we are on the right path…
This will surely prevent many men from living this too long in secret.
Especially since I feel that burying this secret too long produces in many a “pressure cooker” effect: One day the secret becomes unbearable, and everything explodes; everything mixes with damage to those close to them and an urgent need for these men to finally express themselves and live their transformation…

Among the stories I have read, some unfortunately go much further than necessary for their balance if they had been able to talk or live freely beforehand…

Why did you turn to me, and what did I bring you during this phase of your life, if anything?

I have been practicing makeup for many years and have focused on creating a makeup look and style that allow me to pass as a woman, like any other. Over the years, my makeup and look have evolved from a bit too heavy to something much more natural.

I met Jennifer to check where my passing stood.
I felt I had reached what I could do best, and I wanted the opinion of an external woman to know if I could be credible enough.
I also wanted Jennifer to provide me with new techniques or advice in that direction.
So I came to Jennifer dressed and made-up, thinking she would immediately correct things…

The photo shoot was an amazing moment.
It was my first time in front of a camera.
Jennifer made me feel comfortable, took the time to suggest various outfits and poses, and I am very happy with the result.
Her photos are very beautiful and professional.

Apparently, I have little left to improve because Jennifer told me that my work was well done. Instead of giving me a makeup lesson as originally planned, she did my makeup, and we went straight to the photo shoot, followed by an outdoor shopping session.
When I went to see Jennifer, I wanted to take the time and have the chance to go out again in public.

I appreciated her kindness and listening, and I was delighted with the time spent with her.
Going out in broad daylight was an important step for me, and she knew how to support and reassure me.
I indeed noticed that no looks seemed to question the woman I appeared to be.
It’s also true that wearing a mask is a great opportunity for us to go out during the day.

Throughout the day, I felt increasingly relaxed about being feminine in public.
With her encouragement, I left with great pleasure to go back to my hotel as a woman.
Everything went very well… except when I realized I had lost my room key and had to talk to the front desk to get a new one.

I made sure to pitch my voice high enough not to raise suspicion, but of course I had to show my ID.
The gentleman was very polite, said nothing, and gave me my key.
Phew!

Feeling very comfortable, I took the opportunity to go for a walk in Paris.
Same effect, no one stared at me or made me feel any discomfort.
It was a beautiful day, very pleasant to live...

Still, I have a bit more work to do to make my female voice truly credible.