Transidentity: Julie opens up about her transition

On the Transbeauté blog, we continue our series of intimate portraits around MtF gender transition.

After Emma’s moving testimony in March, we now give the floor to Julie.

Some of you may recognize her: Julie already touched us with a first testimony focused on her feminization, available here, during her visit to Trans Beauté.

Today, she goes in depth about her transition journey. A candid story filled with emotion and confidences..

Your journey in a few words

Hello Julie,
Can you tell us what led you to start your transition? Was there a moment when you said to yourself, “Ok, it’s now, I’m going for it!”?

Two steps were crucial:
• I saw a documentary where a person spoke about Trans identity and explained what their life was and had been before. Their previous life was simply my life. I found myself in everything they said.
• The moments of joy dressing as a girl, but always in secret.
• The shame that came after those moments of happiness. Thinking “what am I doing? This is silly, this is nonsense.”
• As a child, hearing adults say you have to be a man, masculine (and especially “stop your manners, you’re not a sissy!!”).

From the moment I could put a word on “what” I am, I stopped thinking I was abnormal.

And then there was my session with you.

Before starting, I needed to know what I could look like, dressed and made up as a woman. I really liked the result and decided to go for it.

With all that, you also have to consider that I was already divorced, my children were adults, and I was about to change my career.
This situation was very favorable to a radical life change.

“The first photo that helped me make the most important decision of my life.” (at Transbeauté 2022).

The view of your loved ones

How did your family and friends react when they discovered your decision to transition? Were you supported?

As you can imagine, not everyone reacts the same way.

• My eldest son lives with a man.
He therefore already has one foot in this world still considered “abnormal” by some people.
He accepted it immediately.
And later told me I was better as a woman, more smiling, and taking better care of myself than before.

• My youngest son told me it was my life and I should do what I wanted, but it took him a little time to accept going out with me (a few months).
Since then, it has been 3 years since I started, and everything is going very well.

• Most of my close friends accepted it and everything is going very well.

• My mother accepted it, but we don’t have a close relationship so it’s hard to judge.

• My father is affected by Alzheimer’s, so I don’t know if he understood.

• My brother hasn’t had the chance to see me in person.
At first he didn’t want me to present as a woman so as not to upset his youngest daughter.
And since then the opportunity has not presented itself.
He told me it would probably be difficult.
We’ll see.

Evolution of your social relationships

At the start of your transition, during, and now (if it’s finished), how have your friendships and social relationships evolved? Were there surprises, good or bad? Has a natural selection happened around you?

I wouldn’t say a natural selection happened because I kept 95% of my friends.
On the contrary, they were all very understanding, much more than I could have imagined.
Indeed, I thought I would lose some people, and these were the ones who surprised me the most.

Your experience in the professional environment

How did your work environment react to your transition?

Even in the professional environment (Military, it wasn’t easy at first…), everything went very well.

I knew I had to leave the army in summer 2024.
So I had decided to start my transition privately but not to make it known in my work environment.

I only discussed it with my military doctor.
She told me: “You want this transition, so don’t wait, do it now!”.

She put me in touch with someone who had already made the leap and that reassured me.
So I also started my transition in the professional environment.
And it went very well.

Then, in August 2024, I applied for various jobs (private and public) and got 2 interview invitations.
I was hired after the first interview.

Yet, so many questions in my head!!
Will I be recognized for my experience or rejected for my appearance?
Will I be accepted by the other employees even if management chooses me for the position?

Well, I go from surprise to surprise.

Accepted immediately, I would say almost adopted by this new professional environment.
I wanted a position where human contact is essential.
I needed it, for me, for my well-being.

I am an IT technician in a courthouse, in contact every day with all users, from the simplest employee to the president of the court.

And I feel like I’m in a cocoon.

I must admit I am very lucky.

Self-affirmation and communication

Did you encounter difficulties talking about your transition with others? Are there tips to share that helped you?

I am someone who needs to talk.
I live alone.
My children and friends are far away.
So, if someone wants to talk, no problem.
I can approach any topic of conversation.
I remain natural and it usually goes well.

Sometimes I feel someone would like to know more about this delicate subject.

My tip?
I start by talking about my life before, my children, my ex-wife, while showing interest in the private life (without going too far) of the person across from me.
This way people feel free to talk about themselves.
And I start to talk about trans identity.
I anticipate the questions they dare not ask.
And as the discussion goes on, everything flows.
Often people tell me it’s nice to talk with me because I have no taboos on the subject and they had many questions they didn’t dare ask.

You must not be afraid, or ashamed, to talk about our journey.
Others wonder a lot about the subject without ever daring to raise it (often because it’s the first time they are “faced” with a transgender person). It’s new for them (for us too in a way). And for those who don’t want to talk about it, no problem. You’ll see quickly as they will change the subject very fast.
At that moment, don’t insist.

Moments of loneliness and resilience

Were there times when you felt alone or misunderstood? If yes, what helped you stay on course and regain strength?

Periods when we feel alone or misunderstood, everyone has them throughout life.
So now it’s even more logical to have them.

Even before making the decision, we all ask ourselves the question...
Am I making the right choice?

I started by making an appointment with a psychiatrist.
Not really to know if I was right in my approach but rather to make sure I had thought through all the consequences of this change. We think about family, children, sterility for younger people, future social relationships, etc... but have we really anticipated everything?
The psychiatrist made me understand that my choice was well thought out and that I didn’t have to worry.

But afterwards, moments of loneliness surface, of course.
In my case, the biggest question is:
“Will I find someone who wants to build a life with me?”

I live alone, divorced, almost 56 years old.
Exclusively attracted to women.

So yes, the question of loneliness arises for me very regularly.

Guys who hit on me in the metro? There have been some.

But honestly!! Let me live quietly.
That’s not what we need.

Hormone therapy and its effects

If you underwent hormone therapy, how was your experience? What physical and emotional effects impacted you the most?

Yes, I have been on hormone therapy for 2 years.
It’s very complicated to judge and explain.

They say hormones reduce body hair (except on the face) and change fat distribution.
Hard to say how it affected me.
I started laser hair removal even before taking hormones.
So yes, my hair is finer, less dense.
But after two years, fortunately!! And it’s not finished.

It’s a long and sometimes painful process (laser).
And above all, don’t go to a laser center, rather see a specialized doctor or a public hospital with a laser service.
And do it after you have obtained your ALD from social security (otherwise, as I did at first, it will be very expensive!)

Finally, very recently I had an appointment with a gynecologist who specializes with transgender people.
Warning, very intimate paragraph (but some need to know how our body reacts).

As a man, I often had erections and especially when watching certain scenes.

Since the operation (vulvoplasty), I started asking questions.

At first, small erections happened occasionally (sometimes waking me up at night).
But for several months now, nothing.
No desire.

I felt like I felt nothing and had no libido.

Gynecologist explanation: “Now you’re a woman and you react like a woman (because of the hormones especially).
So if everything isn’t perfect mentally, the rest won’t follow!!”

And she was right.
Her words reassured me and gave me confidence.
And a week later, some sensations returned.
Probably because I was reassured.

So we might think hormones don’t work.
But that’s not true.
We don’t always see it and it’s a long-term treatment.
We must be patient.

Physical transformations and well-being

Which physical transformations (hormonal, surgical, or aesthetic) have been important for you? How have these changes influenced your well-being and relationship with yourself?

Even though I started with breast implants (essential in my eyes), the most important physical transformation was my gender change.

I couldn’t have fully considered myself a woman if I had kept my male sexual attributes.

Yet I only had a vulvoplasty, meaning no vaginal creation (for simple reasons: no attraction to men and the surgery is less risky than vaginoplasty).

Everyone must make sure to feel good in their skin and body.
The process can be very complicated...
Waiting lists are long, especially if you want the Social Security to cover all costs (5 to 7 years of waiting).

Everything can go much faster (less than a year) if you agree to pay.
But beware, these surgeries have become a real financial boon for surgeons.

Then, regarding physical transformation, there are 3 points to discuss:

• Laser hair removal (especially on the face).
A very long process because the laser acts on hairs at a certain growth phase. For people with heavy hair, a process of at least 2 years is necessary.
Applicable to almost all body parts (except armpits and pubis).
The pubis can be laser treated only as preparation for gender reassignment surgery.
So it must start well in advance of the surgery date.
For me, it has been very beneficial (even if not finished after 2 years of treatment).
But I was starting from far behind, as they say.

• Facial feminization (by surgery).
I almost had it done but it’s not that simple.
For someone overweight, like me, you first need a facelift before considering facial feminization surgery.
Planned for early 2025 for me, but because I had quite a few surgeries in 2024 (unrelated to my trans identity), I decided to let my body rest.
You shouldn’t do just anything.
Limiting general anesthesias is preferable beyond a certain age.

• Physical transformations due to hormones.
Apparently hormone treatment acts on fat distribution.
Personally, I haven’t noticed much.
I feel like my body hasn’t changed much.
But as with everything, we look at ourselves every day in a mirror and don’t really see the evolution.
It is others who might tell you that you have changed (if they dare as it’s always delicate to comment on someone’s appearance), especially if they haven’t seen you for a long time.

Support and valuable resources

Are there books, groups, associations, or professionals who have been of great help to you? If yes, which ones?

Regarding associations, it’s very complicated.
I didn’t get much information from associations, and above all, I didn’t subscribe to their discourse which I found too aggressive.
Of course, it is these behaviors (fighting and not giving up) that have allowed the world to accept us and to let us exist more freely than before.

Associations confine us to an exclusively LGBT world.
And that’s not at all what I’m looking for.
I want to live my life as before, mix with all kinds of people, and above all keep my old friends.

And I succeeded pretty well.
I kept one transgender friend in Paris and built a new life as a woman in today’s society, without difficulty.

There are forums where you can chat, ask questions, and read comments from people who have experienced this kind of “experience.”

On my side, I saw several professionals (surgeons, nurses, psychs, makeup artist 😊), and all these people were very helpful.
Each person, in their professional field, will provide answers, important information, and sometimes real solutions, while taking into account our personality and needs.

Don’t believe that a single person can answer all your questions and expectations.
And above all, don’t hesitate to consult several professionals to get different opinions and thus make your own choices.

One last note: Les Dîners de Charly.

It’s a very nice place and quite suitable to meet people to share about our new life.
By the way, that’s where I met Evy with whom I stayed very close.

But I didn’t want to keep attending these evenings because, as explained above, I don’t want to be surrounded exclusively by trans people. And that was the impression these evenings gave me.
That remains a very personal feeling.

Your view on the future

How do you imagine the next steps in your journey after your transition? What are your hopes for your well-being, relationships, and projects?

Well, my future looks pretty bright (at least, I hope).
I am a person who truly made a radical change in life.
Not exclusively because of my trans identity, but by choice and chance of life.
I changed job and region at the same time as I became myself.
New job, new region, new identity... New life!!

So I can hardly advise those who want to live a new identity while staying with family, in the same professional environment.

I still have a lot to improve on the physical appearance side, but things will happen gradually (I am not totally satisfied with my physical appearance, not feminine enough for my taste despite what my friends tell me).

The day no one calls me “Monsieur” anymore, I think I’ll be satisfied.

And I have to build a social life near home (maybe through musical associations…) so I don’t stay alone at home.
My new job already offers me very good social opportunities.
But that’s not enough.

A message for those who still hesitate

If you could say something to a person questioning their transition, what would it be?

If you’re afraid of your friends’ and family’s reaction, tell yourself that if they love you with sincere love or friendship, they will continue to love you and accept you no matter your identity or appearance.

Final Word by Jennifer

I am moved and grateful.
What Julie just shared with us here is much more than a testimony: it’s a life journey, a metamorphosis, a rebirth.
And learning that I was, in a way, the catalyst of this transition fills me with immense gratitude.

Helping a person reveal themselves to themselves, to love themselves, to allow themselves to be...
This is also the raison d’être of Trans beauté, and it gives me even more energy to support you.

Thank you, Julie, from the bottom of my heart, for opening up with such authenticity.

Jennifer