Trans identity: Claude, a fulfillment never known before

Claude came to have makeup done for her “professional” photos, to put on her CV and professional networks.

Goal: portrait photo then!

I picked up Claude at the RER station (barely 10 minutes from my studio).
She came with just three tailored jackets.

Of course, on the agenda: makeup, but also eyebrow waxing, plus fixing her hair because it had rained.

We spent a wonderful almost 3 hours together.

I fully appreciate the importance of the trust Claude places in my work.
She is about to start her professional activity, and especially her image, both literally and figuratively, depends on the result of my work.

It’s a challenge I love to take on as a professional makeup artist, of course, and that I find extremely motivating and exhilarating!

As you can imagine, I submitted my relentless questionnaire to her…

“A Late Discovery of Gender Identity”

Can you introduce yourself?

Claude, woman, certainly transgender but a woman.
66 years old, single, Parisian, independent expert.

How long have you wanted to feel like a woman, what was the first “signal” of this desire?

Unlike many, it was a late discovery, after 62, even though I had been telling myself for a long time that “it must be nice to be a woman.”

I had never drawn the consequences.

It is done today.
The very first signal hardly existed, at least not at that stage.

They were rather very weak signals, drowned in everyday life.
Later, there were strong signals while I was a beginning crossdresser.

One of these signals led me to take medical decisions to begin a transition.

Before that, one day, an irresistible desire appeared: to dress as a woman.

To say the least, the result was not convincing.
I understood that there was work to be done.
I quickly knew what kind of woman I wanted to be.
I wanted to achieve it.

Which does not mean, however, that I was then aware of my transgender identity.

There was a gap between a desire, rather an impulse, and the consequences of its realization.
Like a contradiction to resolve.

It took me about three years to get there.

Is it a temporary desire, permanent?

Being able to answer this question has many implications.

It requires knowing who you are: crossdresser/travesti or transgender.
It concerns our relationship with our gender identity.

It’s also confronting self-acceptance in the face of the reality presented.

I know that for some, discovering they are transgender is not simple.
One can also find another satisfactory balance point.
It’s strictly personal.
But it is a work on oneself in all cases.

Personally, I did not experience difficulty with this question.
My family, personal, and professional situation suited it well.
I didn’t actually need to answer this question a priori.

However, I had to accept being transgender and assume the consequences, then organize my path for the best chances of success.

You understand, my desire was to settle definitively into my life as a woman.
It is the only one today.

Some friends have made other choices or, more precisely, found another balance point.

Why this desire, what does it give you?

Why? If I knew… I admit I don’t need to know.

But I know what it brings me.
A feeling of fullness I had never known until then.
If I had to choose just one word: Fullness.

A fullness never known before, ignored, that I didn’t know was possible.
As if I was missing myself.

As strange or surprising as it may be, it was a discovery.

Over time, my behaviors evolved.
I am more serene.
Calmer.
Mostly smiling, kind, polite.
I can say unpleasant things sometimes but with a smile, with kindness.

Likewise, I can resolve conflictual situations without getting upset, without confrontation.

I am also much more emotional.
All those who follow hormonal treatment know what I mean.

It takes some habit to manage all these changes.

Taking the plunge: Like a necessity

When did you decide to take the plunge, to crossdress for the first time? For what occasion? What did you feel?

January 2020.
There was no particular occasion, just an irresistible impulse.
A force.

This act was not a considered decision.
The feeling at the time is vague, frankly not very interesting.

The feeling that something had to be built, without knowing exactly what.

The notion of transgender identity was not really known to me.

Very quickly after, the feeling of a necessity emerged.
A force literally pushing me.
I could probably have resisted, but instinctively I sensed it would be against my happiness.

I can write that today, with hindsight, but at the moment nothing was clear, except the idea of a final result (what kind of woman I want to be).
I didn’t know how to reach that result.

At that time, I imagined that this adventure would not lead me outside my home.
Three weeks later I understood I wouldn’t escape it.

It is still this feeling of necessity that was decisive.
Over time it will appear that it is the essential driver.

It is with this that I will be able to overcome fears, apprehensions, always with this force pushing me without knowing how far I will go.

I quickly decided to welcome the options presented without necessarily accepting them all, and not without reflection.

The first months were mainly a useful period to try to build what I aspired to on one hand, and on the other hand, to understand the mechanisms that were gearing up.

It brought me a certain peace of mind, in particular I did not have the impression of being in a process that I would not have mastered at least somewhat.

Of course there are surprises, discoveries.
It was after a few months that I discovered the feeling of fullness mentioned above.

Do you have fears regarding society, your family, etc… apprehensions, any embarrassment?

I had fears, worries like all of us.
But no fear.

Often coming out is all the more difficult when people are close.

Today almost no one is unaware of my gender identity.

I write “almost” because the occasion hasn’t arisen with certain people.
This remains very marginal.

For reasons I will not explain, my family circle is extremely limited.
They are informed.
Things went well even if there is still work to be done.

Transgender identity and professional life

Professionally, being independent, I hesitated for a long time.
My fear was losing a client because of my gender identity.

To be honest, this almost happened once.
I lost a prospect, not because of him but because of an intermediary who was afraid for himself. He was afraid of what people might think of him because he worked with a transgender person.
I had never imagined such a scenario.

For those in companies, especially large ones, they should know, if they plan to go further, that the law protects them and that, in reality, they risk almost nothing.
I know that does not make the fear disappear.

We return to this notion of balance point.
Do you need to live your professional activity “as a woman”?
Only you have the answer.

Embarrassment? Never.
In every situation I found myself in, everything was assumed. I have never been embarrassed to be who I am. Likewise, I have never put myself in situations I could not handle.

That said, I would never have taken the metro during my first outings but I took a plane after 18 months!
At this point, obviously public transport had become a non-issue.

Personally, I chose to preserve my friendships as much as possible.
Some favor making everything disappear.

Maintaining your social network seems essential to me for the future of your life if you plan to live as a woman.

In my opinion, it’s best to do things when you feel ready to fully enjoy them. You may have some apprehension but what an exhilaration afterwards!
You will be proud to have done it.

What are the next steps in your feminization (if any to come), or desires you haven’t yet tried but would like to?

The remaining steps are medical, surgical to be precise.
It answers a strong, imperative need to finally align my body totally with my gender identity.

There would be many things to specify but this is not the place and would require extensive explanation. This need emerged from multiple events.
Its appearance is multifactorial.

And besides, a bit of vanity, a feminizing facelift which is no luxury at my age.
At least, that’s how I feel.

Otherwise, there is nothing in a woman’s life that I haven’t done or almost.
One thing though: walk up the steps of the Cannes festival wearing an evening gown.

I’ve worn evening dresses (Pride Ball among others), but not to climb the steps at the Cannes festival.
I would really like that.

Jennifer: a “non-judgmental” person, respectful (..) supporting them in their femininity.

Why did you call on me, and what did I bring you in this stage of your life, if I brought you anything?

I called on Jennifer to produce photos intended for my professional communication.
It is a bit different from the usual requests which are more glamorous, more recreational.

The contract is fulfilled.

Beyond that, for those who don’t know Jennifer and who are not in my situation, they will find an attentive ear, “non-judgmental,” respectful, and someone who will support them in their femininity.

That is everything they need to assert themselves, gain confidence.

So I recommend the experience.
Self-confidence is essential.
Even in your passing, it shows!

They will also realize their potential and maybe decide on a different future.

What anecdote can you tell us following this session? Or how did you feel after this session? What did you do right after our meeting?

Nothing special because my life is that of a woman, so this session did not cause any particular stir.
I understand that for those who are just starting, it is not the same.

I can imagine that, at the extreme, it may be a revelation for some, genuine shocks, positive of course.
For those who are still not very assumptive, returning to the previous state can be a bit difficult.

I sent some photos to cis and trans friends to know their preferences.
Knowing the purpose of these photos, that is, professional use.

The opinions are quite consistent.
I immediately updated my Linkedin profile with one of the photos taken during our session.

And a few beauty tips that I will apply.
Jennifer knows what it’s about!

Best regards

Claude.

Thank you Claude!

First of all, I will never thank enough all of you who share your testimony on my blog. Once again: Thank you.

Very soon, I will have the great pleasure of putting my blog at Claude’s disposal so she can share her experiences of going out as a transgender woman.

Experiences that will take us to magnificent places, illustrated with photos and her testimonies.
I can’t wait to show you everything!

Testimonials that will also confirm what I think: there are no places inaccessible to you as a transgender woman.