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Jennifer Perseverante, maquilleuse professionnelle
(+33) 06.60.64.86.26
jennifer.perseverante@gmail.com

        

Article published online on May 25, 2020

Dominique is one of those regular clients, the ones I had the pleasure to discover, then get to know better and better in order to guide her through a step-by-step feminization.
Today I am very proud of her because she feels much more fulfilled!
She has done considerable work on herself, both physically and mentally.
And I found it interesting for us to look back together on her journey.
Here is her testimony, where she opens up wholeheartedly.
She shares with us both her doubts, her struggles, as well as her personal victories and moments of glory.
Dominique, I am delighted to know you and thank you for your writing.

Une féminisation riche en émotions

A Feminization Full of Emotions

Sometimes in our lives, there are states that unsettle and question us.
This femininity living inside me since forever was questioning me.
I was struggling with my upbringing, my environment, my build, my double, my responsibilities.
Where did it come from? And then all of a sudden it happens, coming from far away!

I had met young transgender women, I had helped them; I regularly browsed many websites itrans, Ester’s site, Pauline’s salon, the site ups Style Tgirl.
I had cried in the arms of a transgender person.
And one day, because Life sends you events to face, you wonder << what is life? >> reading Barjavel’s << the happiness of tomorrow does not exist. It is right now or immediately >>.

There is no such thing as chance, we only have appointments.
My virtual appointment, a pretty young woman offers me on her professional makeup artist website where she dedicates a part of her site to beauty makeovers, photoshoots, and makeup lessons for crossdressers and transgender people.
What audacity! Makeup for pretty young women, I read everything carefully.
The writing is beautiful, pleasant, resonates within me even if the section reserved for girls who look like me remains sparse.
Here is the feminine person to whom I want to entrust my femininity, and I will not be mistaken.
A single laconic email will be enough for me:

« Hello Madam.
I do not want to intrude on You at all and discovering your blog is not by chance but by my own research.
I am a man soon to be 60 years old, would You accept that I send You a long mail to tell You about myself and going beyond achieving feminine makeup. Very respectfully ».
The answer is brief: « yes, I will read you ».

The First Appointment

This first meeting is ordinary, my approach to live as this woman much less so.
I have neither fear nor shame.
Jennifer is smiling, welcoming, warm.
She asks me to open my suitcase.
I only have clothes bought on the site Leboncoin.
Only a nightgown seems to catch Jennifer’s attention alongside a pair of heels and a pair of mules.
My quest for breasts will always obsess me but for my first real feminization, she led me to a crossdresser site.
Jennifer, with her feminine gaze, finds it uncomfortable and too generous.
Immediately, we look for my hair color and I allow Jennifer to shoot and publish before and after photos, which I gladly accept to return that happiness she just gave me and to answer her questions to enrich her blog Transbeauté.

Le premier Rendez-vous
Femme transgenre

Some exchanges during my first feminization take place.
“Have you ever bought a wig?”
And I recall the setting of curls and rollers my older sister loved to do on me and that I also liked.
I observe my first real feminization and the care Jennifer brought.
If the young woman is beautiful, her products, the countless number of her silk brushes, the great care and order in the salon catch my attention.

Once my beauty routine was complete, I still hear Jennifer’s voice.
“Look at yourself!” My answer has also stayed in my memory: “It’s me.”
I see my smile again.
At that moment, without saying anything to Jennifer, I knew how much I would take the road back to Servon (Transbeauté is in Chevry Cossigny).

Here comes my first feminization. Jennifer painstakingly turns my suitcase inside out trying for a first shoot.
My clothes are old-fashioned or not my size.
No stockings, tights, skirt or suitable dress.
I will keep the pants from my arrival and yet Jennifer will know how to adapt and do our first shoot where already I notice and feel how much this pretty young woman, far more comfortable in her heels than I am in my loafers, thrives in photography, finding the right angle, the best lighting, the best framing, making me smile, making me love Life.

This time with Jennifer, I wished it could be eternal.
Before leaving, I watch Jennifer’s dexterity to neatly organize this first feminine suitcase.

On the way back, no answer to this other self except to consider my return. Those two hours rush through my thoughts.
I think of and recite Madame de Maintenon: “The blues make me a Saint and my enemies Carabosse but all agree that I am one, when in truth, I was many. I have carried many names in this world and worn many faces. I am a multitude.”

But Why Did I Come Back?

Less than a month has passed and I already feel the need to see Jennifer again.
To stay a few more hours for a little more feminine happiness.
Not much in this second feminine suitcase except a pretty robe for my future makeup classes.
A woman must be elegant even before her mirror.
Stockings, tights, garter belts in abundance, and a pretty bra.
And then my hair color and style recommended at my first feminization.

I try to reproduce those beautiful feminine gestures taught by Jennifer.
The base seems not to pose too much trouble according to my teacher.
Beauty care for the eyebrows, eyes, lips will be a struggle with my two left hands, and I finish this first makeover quickly corrected by Jennifer, frustrated.

For this second feminization, Jennifer shows me how right I was to turn to Her.

She reverses front and back of a sweater for a pretty photo.
This young woman is not rushed, she is always inspired, and doesn’t inspiration flow from bottom to top?

My clothes are not the most stylish and Jennifer saves me for this second feminization with Transbeauté’s wardrobe for a better quality shoot. A pose where Jennifer asks me to look outside with my arms raised echoes in me and a second one where I hold her arm as if I wanted to hold her back, the fear of losing Her.

Makeover, the Desire to Be Beautiful, to Pose, First Outing.

No more answers to my questions and this search within myself to know who I am.
Many hesitations to come back, the desire to drop this third feminine suitcase in a parking lot on my way back.
In it, some feminine clothes newly bought again on the number one peer-to-peer sales site despite Jennifer’s advice to stop my shopping fever.
Most are either not my size or outdated.
Yet I truly love a very beautiful electric blue dress and a nice black jacket.
Jennifer did her own shoot.
For me, being beautiful and elegant, clothes, shoes according to her refined taste of a modern woman and bringing me style, feminine comfort according to my personality.

At each of our meetings, I give Jennifer total freedom in organizing my feminization sessions.
I do not want to impose anything on her, only to progress and reveal my femininity quietly and step by step.

Makeup, choosing a feminine outfit to go to a restaurant, invited by the one who always welcomes me with the same constancy of kindness, listening, and empathy.

My quest for pretty breasts and this need for a chest is a permanent search.
Jennifer advises me. I leave this first uncomfortable chest for another bra offering the possibility of a beautiful neckline.
This breast quest still obsesses me.

A first hello Ladies, I breathe and I live.
A shoot with feminine poses.
The invitation to shoot in a personal place.
I discover myself a little more feminine with each feminization.
Jennifer’s encouragement about my naturalness on this first feminine outing, my gaze, my long legs, the search for expression through photography, transmitting an emotion, posing with a pretty flower in my hair to be more beautiful than the bride, this dream of being a female model.
Everything comes back to me and the desire to part with my feminine suitcase has flown from my initial intentions.
I am beginning to love myself as a woman.

A Little Further in This Revealed Femininity

This femininity revealed by Jennifer’s kindness and generosity leads me nevertheless to;
some lacks and frustrations to be more womanly feminine like this need to pose like a true model;
A pretty nail polish matched with a lipstick.
A feminine skin, eyeliner, full lips, this need to wear clothes of fine elegance, to refine my silhouette overwhelms me.
Jennifer’s support and encouragement will lead me to push the doors of a beauty institute for the very first time.

First feminine gift offered by Jennifer and first outdoor shoot in the streets of Servon, in the public park, at the lake.
I feel this progress of the woman in me;
even though I do not have all the answers to my questions.
Why do I so much like myself as a woman, I love looking at myself.
This thirst to pose under Jennifer’s feminine gaze expresses itself inside me.
I am considering a professional portfolio to be honest with myself.
In short, the complete opposite of my situation in men’s clothes.

A Femininity Strongly Present

For the first time I pushed open the door of a beauty institute to live more, to live better my femininity with a gentle waxing, complete hand and foot care to allow Jennifer to advance this femininity living in my body. Everything was done transparently with the manager of the institute who seemed to have appreciated my honesty. The need for more and more femininities manifests itself. And paradoxically I suffer from it. Having to move away from my femininity after the shared happiness of being a woman for a few hours bothers me and everything opposes it. My requests to Jennifer are more numerous, more precise, and probably annoy her. I ask her the impossible and too much. To find the solution to my questions about myself, to my countless doubts, my fears; I tell Jennifer of my intention to stop everything and to seek counseling. I stray despite this, I want to honor this new session. I tell Jennifer it may be possible that it all stops.

Jennifer found me some pretty feminine clothes.
A small leather skirt, slightly sculpting dresses, sweaters; I am in good hands with Her.
On my side, to express this growing need for femininities, I try another style of woman with wearing very beautiful corsets.

Jennifer organized a lovely shopping outing for me.
I love this fitting moment and admire this sharp, wise, precise, and professional look of this young woman at the peak of fashion.
I leave with a nice black pair of trousers and a very feminine blouse.
Again, in the crowd. I feel fully alive and breathing.

A slight frustration from not having participated enough in Jennifer’s choices by giving my opinion reaches me.
If the lack of a nice toenail polish gives me a sense of lack, I love this first polish on my nails as if I were taking one more step toward this woman I now love.

Yet I have to leave and the suffering comes very quickly.
I move forward, I move back, and yet I clash with this lovely listener, this adorable spinner, this precious weaver of my femininity who gives me so much!

The time between two meetings was longer than usual.
Our clashes due to my indecisions and setbacks required a face-to-face explanation.
Perhaps this step was necessary for us to reconnect better.
I meet Jennifer and her new salon again with pleasure and happiness, joy and contentment. My beauty center appointments become regular and my beautician and her girls welcome me with pleasure;
They open the full range of their services intended for women.
Jennifer knows me better with this need to feel beautiful and elegant, my need as a woman, this love to pose and learn how to pose.

I enriched my wardrobe with corsets along with a corset skirt for its cut, its veiling, its transparency.
A corset skirt envied for months where pursuing my efforts to slim my silhouette gives me great motivation and makes me dream of other feminine fashions, other even prettier, more stylish, more sensual feminine clothes.

And always this need to feel pretty breasts.
So a new chest like surgery.
Adherent to my skin, supple, of beautiful texture, I am still seeking my ideal chest.

But unlike my previous indecisions and setbacks, my renunciations and back and forths, I thank Jennifer for what she gives me and for this happiness she offers me with these words: << You see Jennifer. I won’t give my place to anyone else to be with You >>.

A Beautiful Evolution. More and More Woman.

I still feel a lot of femininity inside me to develop, to reveal.
Even if Jennifer, with her words and a small network of friends under construction, makes me move forward on this search for this other self.
At the beauty institute where I am The Queen, I add facial care and a skincare protocol for a more feminine skin, an even more beautiful makeover where Jennifer takes pleasure and thrives in her job by seeing my progress.

A few purchases of stockings, tights from quality brands, nice pants and beautiful corsets catch Jennifer’s attention for my taste for beautiful, very beautiful femininity.
But hasn’t she transmitted her taste for beauty, fashion, and things, for the beauty of the woman to me?

A pretty polish on the toes matching my lips completes this femininity for the very first time.
I will keep this lovely polish to leave, to extend, to sustain this happiness of being a woman, to suffer less from this vanished moment of joy.

Then come poses indoors, outdoors.
A restaurant where a pretty woman welcomes you with a delicious < hello Ladies > Just like on my first feminine outing, I breathe and I live.

I am happy, my setbacks and clashes with Jennifer are behind us.
I am eager to continue all that I feel of the woman within me and I am beginning to love myself and have self-esteem.
Even if it is still too little and never enough.

Isn’t the most beautiful and greatest journey we have to undertake the one inside ourselves?

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